Halfass Stuff

Halfass Breakfast Sandwich Idea #1
Halfass Film Review: Snakes On A Plane
Halfass Caramel Bread
Halfass Film Review: Wolf Creek

Halfass Breakfast Sandwich Idea #1

(I think I'm going to start a "Halfass" section on this blog, dedicated to all things "Halfass" be they film reviews, or recipe ideas...)

Anyhoo. This recipe involves leftovers. Specifically, leftover crumbed fish from last night's dinner. The fish was kinda... not so much tasteless, it just had a "what the FUCK am I eating" kinda taste. That's not to say that all crumbed fish tastes like that... some of the stuff you buy from the freezer section is actually not bad. But for fish and chips, I'd much prefer to go to the local fish and chip shop and spend like $3 andget some freshly crumbed *real* fish.

So usually when we have fish and chips, there's a couple of pieces of fish leftover. Not wanting to waste anything, I usually store it in the fridge for the next morning, or next lunch... or whatever. And more often than not, I end up making a sandwich out of it.

You will need:
==============

2 pieces of leftover crumbed fish (any brand will do, and it doesn't have to be fancy)
2 slices of bread
Tartare Sauce (or whatever happens to be your favourite.. you could use mayonnaise if you don't have Tartare handy)
1 slice of cheese (optional)

What to do:
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Well, this is a bit of a no brainer. Basically you slap tartare sauce or mayonnaise on both slices of bread, and arrange your cold fish onto one slice, then add the other slice sauce side down on top. Munch and enjoy! Sandwich should have a bit of crunch to it due to the slight crispiness of the fish pieces.

A bit on the ghetto side, but it'll do for breakfast on-the-run!

Sakata Apero Tomato, Basil and Cream Cheese Rice Snacks

Now, admittedly I'm a bit of a skeptic when it comes to these rice snack things. To me they're always tasted a bit bland and lifeless.. somewhat like eating styrofoam.

Well, I got a box for the bah humbug holiday yesterday...which isn't so bad, because they're not something I'm likely to buy without trying first. I got the Sakata Apero Tomato, Basil and Cream Cheese Gourmet Rice Snacks.

Here's a picture of the box:



And here's a slightly blurry picture of one of the snacky things:



And the taste? Somewhat tasty for the first few... but the taste peters out a little and then it just tastes like styrofoam again. So I'm assuming they would go FANTASTICALLY with some dip or other.

I might see what other flavours there are...

And that annoying Sakata ad is stuck in my head now. Boo.

Halfass Film Review: Snakes On A Plane

Hmm... I had heard conflicting stories about this film... it was either really good or really crappy or just plain laughable. Well, after watchig it, I've decided it's a bit of all three.

To summarise the plot as quickly as possible: surfer dude witnesses a brutal baseball-bat-to-the-chops murder under a bridge. Gangster guy Eddie Kim (who is played by the same guy who played Chozen in Karate Kid II) tells his goons to chase down surfer dude and kill him. Surfer dude is then rescued from a supposedly grisly death by some FBI guy played by Samuel L. Jackson.

FBI guy and Surfer dude are then seen boarding a plane to LA from Hawaii, and we see devious goings on with some creepy dude spraying some flowers in the cargo hold of the plane. Basically, mean-ass Eddie Kim knows that surfer dude is on the flight and has put a bunch of deadly snakes on the plane. (Hence the title!)

Anyhoo, the flight is all kinda normal for a while, and then we see a timer thing counting down, it hits zero and there's a BOOM and snakes are all over the cargo hold.

Stoner guy and Stoner girl are intent on joining the mile-high club while high.. and that's sorta interrupted by a tropical looking snake dropping down from the cieling and snacking on some stoner girl boobie. Hilarity and mayhem shortly ensue, snakes are EVERYWHERE, people are panicking and being bitten, frothing at the mouth, yada yada yada.

Gross and kinda EWW! bit: when the foreign chick swigs olive oil and bites the arm of the kid who got bitten and sucks all the poison out.

Laughable bits: when Macho guy taking a leak has a snake on the other end of his penis. When the gay air host Ken microwaves a snake to death (complete with "snake" button on the microwave) and he says "WHO'S YOUR DADDY NOW, BITCH?!" And the snake taserings were kinda funny too.

Supposedly dramatic but laughable bits: the Jaws-esque music and the "spooky" SnakeVision (TM) shots that just made me laugh myself silly. Oh and the gay air host Ken trying to show off his kickboxing moves, and failing badly.

"OMG I can't believe they put that in!!" bit: The poor guy who gets trampled in the chaos and cops a stiletto heel to the eardrum.. YEOW!

Quotes: "Well that's good news... Snakes on CRACK!", "Sporks?!" "All praises to the Playstation!" "Pretty soon, we'll go down faster than a Thai hooker!"

I tend to enjoy most horror movies for reasons other than their original intent. I guess it all depends on what you find scary. As I've never had a close contact with a snake, they don't particularly scare me that much, and my offhand attitude to them is "just keep away from the pointy end, and you will be ok". This film on the other hand, did have me jump at one point, but only one, mind you. The rest of the time I was laughing quite a bit... and I'm still perplexed as to whether this film should be labelled as a comedy or not.

This is the sort of film I would expect to be a knock-off of a Japanese film, as the Japanese sometimes have very quirky movies or TV shows (shit, just look at Takeshi's Castle or Iron Chef for evidence of that).

Overall... this film is more hilarious than scary, unless you really truly, don't like snakes...in which case you will probably be peeing in your knickers out of fright, rather than laughter.

I'll give it 3 bites out of 5 for the comedy involved.

Amateur Food Porn: Hans Bites!

Time for a new product.. and this one really IS new, I picked it up at the supermarket this morning, it was just screaming "BUY ME, FROSTY, BUY ME!!"... and so I did.

Call 'em cheerios, lil boys, cocktail franks or wieners, we've all at one time or another had those little red sausages with liberal amounts of tomato sauce. Great for parties, or if you just can't be bothered cooking anything else on a hot day. Everyone loves them!

Well, Hans have come out with "BITES", Mini Deli Sausages that come in a microwaveable cup, with their own little sachet of sauce and a plastic fork. They come in regular or Cheese and Onion flavour, I picked the cheese and onion ones because regular is just..well..boring.

Here is the package:





There was a pretty impressive white plastic seal covering the tub when I took the lid off... (will SCOLD?? NAUGHTY HUMAN!! NAUGHTY HUMAN!! HOW DARE YOU EAT THIS!!!)



Inside were cute little half-sized sausages! They were really very adorable. Also inside was a silver sachet of sauce, and a plastic fork that was attached to the lid.





The directions were fairly fool-proof: Remove white sealing film from tub, Place plastic lid back on cup and place in Microwave for 15 seconds on high, Shake contecnts, then heat for a further 15 seconds and allow to stand for 30 seconds prior to eating.

I opted to drown my BITES in some of this:



as well as the meagre contents of the sauce sachet. Fountain Spicy Red is RED, but not spicy in terms of "OUCH THIS IS BURNING MY TONGUE OFF" spicy. Nice sauce, though, if you feel like a break from normal tomato sauce.

Here were my BITES once drowned in sauce...



Mmmm... saucy. Now for the tasting. The BITES had an oniony flavour.. not overpowering, though. Not much in the way of cheese flavour... But I'm sure it's in there somewhere. My only complaint is that the fork provided in the tub is kinda terrible. The prongs on it are too short to actually be of any use when poking into one of the sausages, and I frequently had to poke harder and almost risked an injury while doing so.

Hans BITES tries, and delivers (with the exception of the fork). They are tasty, quick to prepare (so they would be great for a meal on the go, or a college lunch) and reasonably affordable for the $2.50 something I paid for them.

4 BITES out of 5.

And now, 2 other items I have to post.. one is more Amateur Food Porn! I made up a batch of Muriel's* spaghetti sauce the other night (and I might just post the recipe if you're good :P), and there was enough left over to freeze for another night, though I saved a bit to put in the fridge for the next day. Not sure of what I would do with it, though... But then a thought came to me... cheese on toast with a spaghetti sauce base! And it turned out pretty darn good, I might say.



Mmmm...delicious. Apologies for the lousy plat and network cable in the photo :P Can't win 'em all!

The other picture, is my dearly departed Succulent... Spike. (Or whatever I named the damn thing.) As much as I watered him and sang to him and gave him love... he STILL croaked on me. Frostilicus is just not meant to keep plants. It makes no sense, though... The housemate's cacti live in the KITCHEN and get covered in grease and god knows what else... and THEY are still alive. Meh.



C'est la vie.


* Muriel = The Mother of Frostilicus.

Things That Tick Frosty Off Part #462

(or Frostilicus needs to rant)

1: Housemates who think they know better and decide (without asking you, the lease holder first) to get their brother in-law to fix the broken light socket that was reported to Nameless, Inc* Real Estate last Saturday. Their reasoning is: It's better than waiting 6 weeks for a new light socket like we did for the stove. I remind housemate that it was 8 weeks, not 6. Never mind that *I* am the one who now has to explain to an electrician why the socket has been "fixed" by an unlicensed "tradesman", who is not *MY* brother in-law, either.

2: Going to a different supermarket to the one you normally do, and then finding that what you want is STILL: in the very last aisle in the store, and at the very END of that last aisle.

3: The decision over whether to buy Panadol Rapid Soluble in 2 20 packs, or Aspro Clear Extra Strength in 2 16 packs. Panadol Rapid Soluble will give you 8 extra tablets, but has a vile chemical taste that Aspro Clear doesn't seem to have. Spend 5 minutes deciding, and pick Aspro Clear anyway, seeing as the 2 you took this morning are going to wear off soon, and you will feel like you're gonna pass out from the agony of period pain.

4: Finding that 4 packs of Libra slim Regular tampons don't seem to exist here EITHER. This of course, forces you to buy 2 2 packs, which ends up costing you $1 extra than it used to cost to buy 1 4 pack. "Why not just buy 1 2 pack then?", I hear you ask. Well, if you were a woman, you wouldn't ask that question.. you would immediately KNOW the answer. To put it as least disgustingly as possible: You try going through 1 8 pack of tampons in a DAY, and then realising that you might not have enough to last another day. And you don't feel like walking anywhere because blood loss makes you feel light headed. Get the picture now? Buy ahead, and you won't have to risk passing out on the way there, or back.

5: Stores that play Christmas music. Hello, we live in AUSTRALIA, where there (for the most part) ain't no snow to dash through on a sleigh, and Christmas doesn't take place in a winter wonderland. Please change Christams carols according, or just FUCK OFF AND DIE!!

6: Bindi Irwin. Everywhere I go I am seeing this annoying little child. Plastered on one of the gossip mags this week: Bindi Irwin and how it's her "First Christmas without my daddy" FOR FUCK'S SAKE! It's irritating enough that we have to see this ex-sperm with her whiny voice and the gap in her teeth on TV ads for Australia Zoo, but frankly, I'm getting sick to death of all the publicity she's getting. She's more goddamn nauseating than her idiot father. (And yes I think Steve Irwin was a complete MORON. Call me UnAustralian if you want, but not everyone that lives here says CRIKEY! every 30 seconds and is as enthusiastic as a man who looks like he's either drunk too much coffee or taken a shitload of elephant steroids.) Bindi, please fuck off and die now, so that the Australian public doesn't have to be embarassed by another member of your family.

And I'm sure there's a lot more... but these were today's gripes.

* - Obviously NOT the name of my Real Estate.

The iPod in Space!

In THIS PICTUREon the wall, to the right of the astronaut's head (zoom in for a bigger view), is the humble Apple iPod... now on the International Space Station...

Take THAT, Microsoft! :D

iPod FTW! (FTW - For The Win!)

Alphabet (Or, Frostilicus Is Bored)

Accent: Proper Australian. Not boganish, and not as snooty as Alexander Downer.

Booze: Vodka, preferably in the form of Pulse Vodka. (vodka + guarana + soda)

Chore I hate: Washing up... especially roast dishes....ugh.

Dog or cat: kittens! *meow*

Essential electronics: nokia 3220 mobile phone, canon powershot A510 digital camera, Toshiba Satellite laptop... and my PC when i get it going again!

Favourite cologne(s): erm.. Lynx Anti-Hangover ... it's not too blokey and doesn't smell like a fake-ass flower stall, either.

Gold or silver: Silver... I find gold makes you look cheap... Like a hooker or some tryhard homie.

Hometown: Perth, Western Australia. Lived there 22 years, then branched out and moved to Sunny, humid Brisbane.

Insomnia: That, combined with sleep apnea...

Job title: Satirical Writer and Hobby Photographer for The Frostilicus Perspective. :P

Kids: I've been told I'm smart for not having them. My housemate's 5 year old daughter is a sweetie, though...unlike her brother.

Living arrangements: In a roughly 2.5m x 3.5m weatherboard box that is part of a 3 bedroom house... There's no screen on the window, except for the one I rigged up myself out of 2 dissected mozzie nets and a shitload of gaffa tape (is there anything it won't do?) ... but my desk, bed and fan are in here, so all is good.

Music: Anything that isn't country music. Sorry, but if you think that you're faux Texan accent whining about how you're an alcoholic, or struggling to make a living on a drought stricken farm in the back woods of NSW... HERE'S 40 CENTS, GO CALL LIFELINE. They're paid to give a shit, and I'd much rather listen to the Scissor Sisters...

Number of sexual partners: and make myself look like a loser? I think NOT!

Overnight hospital stays: none that I know of, not after when I was born, anyway.

Phobias: Fear of Heights, and Paralysing Arachnophobia.

Quote: "For 55 bucks they'd better be scraping that cheese out of Paris Hilton's pants." - A comment on a blog post about some guy who was slugged US$55 for MACARONI AND CHEESE. The reason it was such a high cost? It was sprinkled with truffle shavings.

Religion: Practice whatever you want, I frankly don't care... but if you come to my door with your copies of The Watchtower, or a plastered on smile and an overly sunny disposition, please don't be shocked when I give you the finger, fold my arms across my chest and tell you in no uncertain terms to FUCK OFF before I slaughter YOU and offer you up as a Satanic sacrifice. I will say this with as cheery a smile on my face as possible.

Siblings: Nope, I'm one of a kind.

Time I wake up: Anywhere from 5-7ish in the am.

Unusual talent or skill: The ability to give obscure factoids of information about a subject that I may be prodded about, from memory.. and if I'm not sure, I can google for it just as quick.

Vegetable I refuse to eat: Brussel sprouts. Little cabbages they AIN'T, and they are fucking revolting.

Worst habit: I have a bad habit of putting things off. And putting things off. And Putting things off...

X-rays: Had x-rays when I put my back out at the beginning of 2004. Should really go and get my ankle x-rayed seeing as I sprained it in the beginning of the following year and it hasn't been the same since.

Yummy foods I make: I didn't get any complaints when I made my mother's spaghetti recipe...

Zodiac sign: That would be classified information. :P

A Shortish Rant...

...About the suckishness (is that a word? Oh well, it is now) of my local Coles store.

I have 3 supermarkets near me. Coles, Woolworths, and IGA. (That's Independent Grower's Association) The closest one to me, is Coles, and it's the one I mostly go to, having to walk twice the distance to both Woolworths and IGA, especially in the summer heat...well it doesn't exactly appeal. (Live in Queensland, and you will know why.)

Anyway. Despite the amount of posts I've done here that have been dedicated to Noodles (or Ramen, if you must), in various shapes and forms, I am these days picky about them. The only reason I tried Starvin' Louis' recipe was that I hadn't consumed noodles in a while and it looked tasty. The reason I'm so picky about them: back when I first lived in Brisbane, I lived on not much else BUT noodles for the first 6 months or so. This was due to not having much money and my first experiences with paying bills. Plus, my ex-housemate turned me off noodles after eating them in the most digsuting, oily manner possible... they looked more like alien grease globs than noodles.

I'm partial to the "noodle-in-a-cup" varieties now, rather than the easily fuckupable (that's a word now too! UP YOURS OED!) plastic packet kind. The thing I like about cup noodles, is that they're foolproof. Add water, add flavour packets, wait 2 minutes, stir, then eat. Even a complete and utter MORON could do it. AND...cleaning up is a no-mess, no-fuss breeze. Cup goes into the bin, and unless it came with a folding plastic fork, all you have to do is rinse the fork and stick it in the drainer!

The best ones of these i've found are the Suimin ones. They come in a variety of non-nauseating flavours, and are GREAT for a quick and dirty snack, lunch, breakfast...whatever. The ones I like, though, are the ones my local Coles are SYSTEMATICALLY removing from the goddamn shelf! I can't get the Thai Chicken Curry ones anymore. Nor can I get the Fantastic Chicken Curry ones anymore either. (exact same ingredients as the Suimin ones, but sometimes a bit cheaper.) Also not on the Coles shelf anymore are the Peanut Satay saucy noodles that in part inspired me to start this blog.

So here's my ranting point, folks. STOP PULLING MY FAVOURITE NOODLE FLAVOURS OFF THE SHELF, YOU FUCKERS! I don't CARE if no one else buys them, but I FUCKING DO! And if I collapse from heat stroke on the way to Woolworths or IGA...guess who I'm sending my medical bills to! :P

Bastards.

/end rant

Breakfast on the Run

So the other day (Thursday), I made a mad dash into the city to get a ticket for the Scissor Sisters concert in February. (Yes, that's TICKET, singular, seeing as no one wants to go with me. You're missing a great show, folks!) After catching the earlier train than I had intended, I ended up at the top of the Queen Street Mall at 8:20am, realising in my horror that I had 40 minutes to kill before Rebel Sport opened and I could get my lil paws on my ticket! At least I had my iPod to keep me amused, and my phone with which to txt people with.

Anyway, I eventually got my ticket:



WOOHOO! Go me.

So anyhoo, having a bit more shopping to do (I was looking for a new hat to wear to the show...and I found one too!), by the time I got back to the railway station, it was just before 10, and I realised that I'd been up since 5 and hadn't had breakfast yet (I had coffee at around 6 with a couple of No-Doz :P), and I was a bit peckish. Doing something I don't normally do, I decided to get a quick breakfast from McDonald's (I KNOW, I KNOW...I'm going to hell now.)

Being in a slight hurry (My train was about 10 minutes away), I didn't want the whole 'sit-down-and-get-hotcake-syrup-all-over-me' kinda breakfast.. just a 'grab-it-and-run' kinda snack. So I settled on the "Deluxe Breakfast Roll", which had a price tag of $4.95. I had to wait while it was being prepared.. which on the one hand, it's being made right then and there and isn't sitting somewhere stagnating and fermenting... but on the other hand, I'm hungry and can't be fucked waiting!

Anyway, finally my roll turns up after about 3-4 minutes, handed to me with an obviously faked "sorry about the wait!" ... my roll was handed to me in a bag with a sticker across it. I thought "hmm that's a bit odd", as I lifted the sticker and proceeded to grapple with it. The "Deluxe Breakfast Roll" is a long bread roll, with 2 sausage patties, 2 slices of bacon, and 2 eggs, sauce and I think it had cheese on it, I don't quite recall.

As I started to eat it, I couldn't figure out why the bag (which was something like a paper pocket with a flap over it) was such a prick to work around, until I actually looked at the bloody thing and realised you're supposed to lave it closed and TEAR OFF the end part of it, so you can just pull your sandwich out bit by bit and munch it that way.

Anyway, I don't have a picture of said roll, but for McDonald's it was ok. I was hungry and if it came down to being starving and having the choice between the roll and a dead possum that's been lying on the road for 3 days... eh, I'd pick the roll. It might not be as healthy, but it looks a bit more appetising than roadkill.

2 chomps out of 5... considering I ate at McDonald's and now have to give myself an exorcism :P *snicker*

Chicken-Fried Bacon Strips?

I honestly don't know whether to laugh, or cry at this video...or whether to salivate or puke, for that matter. I didn't stumble on this video, so much as do a bit of link-hopping to get to it. But, I thought I would share it with you all (or y'all as they say down in Texas).

Chicken-Fried Bacon Strips

For those of you who have crappy connections, or don't have 4 and a bit minutes to spare, Sodolak's Original Country Inn, located in Snook, Texas has a rather interesting menu. Along with a 2 pound steak and fries, you can also order Chicken-Fried Bacon Strips. Simply put, these are bacon strips dipped in chicken-fried steak batter (although whether that translates to like beer batter for us Australian types, I'm not sure) and then deep fried (a la Chicken-Fried steak, which I'm told is similar to a schnitzel), and served up with a cream gravy.

Sadly, it looks sorely appteising, making me want some YESTERDAY...but on the downside, I would probably regret chowing down on it later. My favourite part in the video is the woman who says "Hey this is good! It just needs more salt!" (as if bacon isn't salty enough??)