Worst Suicide Prevention Line

Found this one linked on Digg.com

World's Worst Suicide Hotline

Enjoy.

NOTE: This is intended to be humorous. If you really are suicidal, get some help immediately.

Rant/Vent Pants #5928347

...'cuz frankly, I've had a c*nt of a day. It's been humid as hell, which doesn't add to the experience in a positive way. Wednesday, I went to Nameless, Inc.* real estate to see about renewing my lease. Brainless Reception Bimbo tells me that they send leases out to properties now, to which my response is "Oh, last year I had to come in and sign one." to which she gave me a bewildered look. (This was before my real estate changed ownership, I might add.) So after a short conversation, she tells me she will get a hold of the owner (who lives in Sydney), and get back to me. She also tells me there will most likely be a rent increase, which I was expecting.

Today (Friday), I receive an envelope from Nameless, Inc. which contains the new lease and various paperwork. My rent has increased $30, due to increases in cost of living, CPI, rates, blah blahblahblahblahblah. Bit steeper than I expected, but I can deal with it. Just. While down there, I asked for a 12 month lease, but the owner has asked for 6 months, and is happy to renew (and most likely put the rent up again) in another 6 months. More paperwork and more hassles 6 months down the track. I'm pissed off about it, but at the moment have not much in the way of other options at short notice. So I will sign the lease and return it on Monday, as well as filling out yet another maintenance request for various ailments that the property has.

I'm annoyed because looking at it, on the inside, this property is so NOT worth what I'm paying for it per week. In the 5 years that I've lived here, I can count 4 and a half things that needed fixing, that have actually been fixed. The taps in the shower needed replacing, they were done while I was away last year. The hot water heater blew up the first year that we were here (typically, right smack in the middle of winter), and we were without hot water for 2 weeks. The stove blew up, and we were without one for EIGHT weeks over summer. When I moved into the property, there were no doorhandles on the interior doors. These were fixed in 2005, but a day later, the new doorknob in my room malfunctioned while I was stuck inside my room.

The 4th-and-a-half thing to be fixed, was both back and front staircases. This was done in January 2003 by a dodgy repairman, who did a halfass job of it, turning over most of the half-rotted stair treads and only replacing about 4 of them (over both staircases). He also failed to properly seal the decking on the balcony (actually, he didn't bother to seal it AT ALL), and did such a bad job of it, that it will need to be done again in less than 5 years time. The boards are starting to lift up and the stair treads are all bowed because they haven't been sealed against the elements either. "Why don't you just do it yourself?" some might ask. Because it's not MY responsibility to repair a property that's not mine. Thankfully, one saving grace to this property is that the roof does NOT leak.

Another one I've heard is "You should go to the RTA about it." Yes, I'm aware of that, I've also already gone down that avenue and got about as far as I had before. Nowhere. I'm sure in the real estate office there's a thick pile of paperwork in the file for this house, and strangely enough, most of the problems were caused by the last tenants, NOT me and my housemates. There's 3 things I'm aware of that were caused since we've been tenants, one is a hole in my door (from when I was stuck in my room, my housemate tried to kick the door in, it didn't work), and I've patched it up. There's also a small hole in my wall from when I moved my desk in here, that I shall patch up when I move out. There's also a crack that needs patching in another room where I accidentally elbowed the wall. It's half patched up and I will finish it this summer. Bloody cheap fibreboard houses. Brick houses are so much easier to deal with in terms of things like that.

But anyway, the dilemma now stands that in another 6 months there's a very real possibility that I will be moving. Where to, I'm not so sure as yet. I'd like to stay in Brisbane, apart from the hot muggy summers, I do like it up here. I've had a bit of a think about it and might have an iron or two in the proverbial fire. Mere speculation at this point, but if I can't rustle up anything, I may be going back west...

* - obviously not the name of my Real Estate.

alphabet shit a la october 2007

Accent: australian.... not as conceited sounding as whathisface downer, but intelligent, nonetheless

Booze: bulleit 9% bourbon and coke

Chore I hate: i fucking HATE doing the dishes.... especially roast dishes....

Dog or cat: kittens! *meow*

Essential electronics: uhm.... my pc.. (athlon 3200+ with 1gb RAM and 128mb video card (radeon)

Favourite cologne(s): lynx anti-hangover

Gold or silver: silver.... may be worth less than gold, but it looks better.

Hometown: perth, western australia....that's where i grew up.

Insomnia: yes.. combined with sleep apnea

Job title: satirical writer (sometimes) and artist (most of the time)

Kids: no thanks. i live with 2 and that's enough to put me off for life.

Living arrangements: In a roughly 2.5m x 3.5m weatherboard box that is part of a 3 bedroom house... There's no screen on the window, except for the one I rigged up myself out of 2 dissected mozzie nets and a shitload of gaffa tape (is there anything it won't do?) ... but my desk, bed and fan are in here, so all is good.

Music: anything except crappy "my dog died and my wife left me" country music

Number of sexual partners: yah right like im gonna answer that

Overnight hospital stays: none that I know of, not after when I was born, anyway.

Phobias: acrophobia, arachnophobis

Quote: "For 55 bucks they'd better be scraping that cheese out of Paris Hilton's pants." - A comment on a blog post about some guy who was slugged US$55 for MACARONI AND CHEESE. The reason it was such a high cost? It was sprinkled with truffle shavings. yeah can't really think of one to top that atm.

Religion: Practice whatever you want, I frankly don't care... but if you come to my door with your copies of The Watchtower, or a plastered on smile and an overly sunny disposition, please don't be shocked when I give you the finger, fold my arms across my chest and tell you in no uncertain terms to FUCK OFF before I slaughter YOU and offer you up as a Satanic sacrifice. I will say this with as cheery a smile on my face as possible.

Siblings: nope

Time I wake up: Anywhere from 5-8ish in the am unless i'm drunk/stoned in which case......later....lol

Unusual talent or skill: The ability to give obscure factoids of information about a subject that I may be prodded about, from memory.. and if I'm not sure, I can google for it just as quick.

Vegetable I refuse to eat: Brussel sprouts. Little cabbages they AIN'T, and they are fucking revolting.

Worst habit: I have a bad habit of putting things off. And putting things off. And Putting things off...

X-rays: had x-rays and CT scans done in january 2007 for my back....meh same problem....whatever...oh.... BUT... i also had my ankle x-rayed cuz of when i badly sprained it in early 2005.....turns out there's no damage to the bone structure.... so guess it's just weak muscles..

Yummy foods I make: well, my housemates don't seem to give a fuck about my spaghetti anymore. apparently jar shit is better, cuz apart from teh 2 times i made my sauce, i haven't been asked to make it again.....well FUCK EM.... i know what's a decent spaghetti sauce...... and JAR SHIT AINT IT SO FUCK 'EM!

Zodiac sign: whatthefuckever.