Halfass Film Review: Wolf Creek
I finally got around to sitting down and watching this today. My housemate said it was really good and really creepy, lots of horror, blah blah blah. Well, call me unimpressed, but I've dreamed up better horror stories in my head. Oh, apparently the fact that it all supposedly happened is the "horrifying" part. Dude, I was more horrified by Fred West and his "House of Horrors" than I was by this film. Saw and Saw II were much better as horror films.
Now I'll admit, I'm a sucker for a good Australian film. Well, Australian films in general, really, but when there's a REALLY good one, I'm there saying "gimme some more popcorn, ya munchie hog!" Australian films don't have to rely on cheap gags or crappy Americanised style humour to suck me in. They draw me in purely on artistic merit and storyline. The last really good Australian film that I raved about was Rabbit Proof Fence. The story was good, it made me want to learn more, specifically about the fence itself rather than the whole "stolen generation" thing (which has been done to death already). (For those who haven't seen the film, or haven't got a fucking clue what I'm jabbering on about, the Rabbit Proof Fence, now called the "State Barrier Fence of Western Australia", is a man made fence that runs in 3 separate sections, 2 running north/south, and one running east/west from the shorter of the 2 north/south fences. The #1 Rabbit Proof Fence is the longest fence in the world and is 1837kms long and runs south from Port Hedland to Esperance on the south coast. The film is about 3 young Aboriginal girls who are taken to a settlement at Moore River and then escape, following the fence home. They walked for something like 9 weeks to get home, and covered 1500 miles of desert.)
But anyway, I digress. Back to Wolf Creek. 3 happy-go-lucky backpacker types go road tripping in a remote part of Australia, and decide to go hiking in the Wolfe Creek National Park (And yes, Wolfe Creek (with an e on the end) does actually exist. It's the site of a meteor crater.) After doing their little hike up to the crater, and going "wow, that's impressive", they hike back to their car, only to find that it won't start, and oh, their watches are not ticking either. Literally in the middle of nowhere (The outback is one of those places where you're very likely to see a sign that says "hey dude, there's no gas stations for another 800KMS, so make sure you've got enough fuel, or kiss your tourist ass goodbye"), they sit in their car and soon enough, a man turns up who seems friendly enough, and he basically says "i can fix your car, but you'll have to come back to my place". They agree, and get towed back to his place. Anyway, they all sit around the fire drinking rainwater *ooh* and he goes off to "fix" the car, and the backpacker types fall asleep.
Time passes, and one backpacker chick wakes up. Only to find herself strangely alone. the other backpacker chick is being tortured by No More Mr Nice Guy. Hilarity ensues as the 2 girls try to escape. Needless to say, they both end up dead (oops, didn't mean to spoil it for you!), it's not clear how one of them gets murdered, though I'm just going to nitpick and say this: The way the second chick buys it was possibly the LAMEST horror movie murder I've ever seen. A shot to the back of the head with a 303 bolt action rifle does not a horror movie make. Not to me, anyway. I was fully expecting him to take her back to some lair somewhere and torture the shit out of her, maybe have her eaten by the rabid dogs that were going to gnaw on the 3rd person's leg had he not prised himself out of the spiky crucifix thing (oops, another spoiler), but NO... I got a BULLET to the head, which seemed to be the pussiest murder of the lot. Shit, that whole "head on a stick" thing was at least brutal!
The most "eww" moment in the film for me was the 3rd guy prising himself out of the crucifix. Simply because he had spikes going through his wrists and they had close-ups of this bloody rusty spike in his arm as he tried to pull it off. I can only imagine how much it would hurt. Funniest moment was when No More Mr Nice Guy is holding a bloody great big hunting knife at the quivering chicky in the corner, and she's trying to fend him off with a Swiss Army Knife. It was so funny, I nearly pissed myself. Even funnier that he shrugs that off and takes a swipe with his BIG MANLY KNIFE and chops 3 of her fingers off. Swiss Army Knife THIS, you silly bitch! and the whole following "head on a stick" bit, too. Paralysis by knife wound... mmm yummy.
But as a horror film? Nah... Well filmed and suspenseful, maybe. But I wasn't freaked out by it. Actually I was very much amused by it.
2 out of 5.. and that's only for the great cinematography.
Now I'll admit, I'm a sucker for a good Australian film. Well, Australian films in general, really, but when there's a REALLY good one, I'm there saying "gimme some more popcorn, ya munchie hog!" Australian films don't have to rely on cheap gags or crappy Americanised style humour to suck me in. They draw me in purely on artistic merit and storyline. The last really good Australian film that I raved about was Rabbit Proof Fence. The story was good, it made me want to learn more, specifically about the fence itself rather than the whole "stolen generation" thing (which has been done to death already). (For those who haven't seen the film, or haven't got a fucking clue what I'm jabbering on about, the Rabbit Proof Fence, now called the "State Barrier Fence of Western Australia", is a man made fence that runs in 3 separate sections, 2 running north/south, and one running east/west from the shorter of the 2 north/south fences. The #1 Rabbit Proof Fence is the longest fence in the world and is 1837kms long and runs south from Port Hedland to Esperance on the south coast. The film is about 3 young Aboriginal girls who are taken to a settlement at Moore River and then escape, following the fence home. They walked for something like 9 weeks to get home, and covered 1500 miles of desert.)
But anyway, I digress. Back to Wolf Creek. 3 happy-go-lucky backpacker types go road tripping in a remote part of Australia, and decide to go hiking in the Wolfe Creek National Park (And yes, Wolfe Creek (with an e on the end) does actually exist. It's the site of a meteor crater.) After doing their little hike up to the crater, and going "wow, that's impressive", they hike back to their car, only to find that it won't start, and oh, their watches are not ticking either. Literally in the middle of nowhere (The outback is one of those places where you're very likely to see a sign that says "hey dude, there's no gas stations for another 800KMS, so make sure you've got enough fuel, or kiss your tourist ass goodbye"), they sit in their car and soon enough, a man turns up who seems friendly enough, and he basically says "i can fix your car, but you'll have to come back to my place". They agree, and get towed back to his place. Anyway, they all sit around the fire drinking rainwater *ooh* and he goes off to "fix" the car, and the backpacker types fall asleep.
Time passes, and one backpacker chick wakes up. Only to find herself strangely alone. the other backpacker chick is being tortured by No More Mr Nice Guy. Hilarity ensues as the 2 girls try to escape. Needless to say, they both end up dead (oops, didn't mean to spoil it for you!), it's not clear how one of them gets murdered, though I'm just going to nitpick and say this: The way the second chick buys it was possibly the LAMEST horror movie murder I've ever seen. A shot to the back of the head with a 303 bolt action rifle does not a horror movie make. Not to me, anyway. I was fully expecting him to take her back to some lair somewhere and torture the shit out of her, maybe have her eaten by the rabid dogs that were going to gnaw on the 3rd person's leg had he not prised himself out of the spiky crucifix thing (oops, another spoiler), but NO... I got a BULLET to the head, which seemed to be the pussiest murder of the lot. Shit, that whole "head on a stick" thing was at least brutal!
The most "eww" moment in the film for me was the 3rd guy prising himself out of the crucifix. Simply because he had spikes going through his wrists and they had close-ups of this bloody rusty spike in his arm as he tried to pull it off. I can only imagine how much it would hurt. Funniest moment was when No More Mr Nice Guy is holding a bloody great big hunting knife at the quivering chicky in the corner, and she's trying to fend him off with a Swiss Army Knife. It was so funny, I nearly pissed myself. Even funnier that he shrugs that off and takes a swipe with his BIG MANLY KNIFE and chops 3 of her fingers off. Swiss Army Knife THIS, you silly bitch! and the whole following "head on a stick" bit, too. Paralysis by knife wound... mmm yummy.
But as a horror film? Nah... Well filmed and suspenseful, maybe. But I wasn't freaked out by it. Actually I was very much amused by it.
2 out of 5.. and that's only for the great cinematography.
Labels: halfass
posted by FrostilicusFrost at 10:05 pm
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