Replacements!

Dear Consumer,

We would like to thank the thousands of you who wrote, emailed and called in your concerns regarding Christmas Carols. We would therefore like to make the following changes:

"White Christmas" will now be replaced by the new and hip "Oh God, It's fucking Christmas and it's 40 Degrees Outside"

"Jingle Bells" will be adjusted to suit a warmer climate. "Dashing through the snow in a one horse open sleigh" will be replaced with "Dashing across the blazing hot sand to avoid burning your feet"

"Winter Wonderland" to be replaced by the brand spanking new "Summer Cesspool"

"Chestnuts Roasting On An Open Fire" wil be amended to "Grandpa's Nuts Roasting On A Hot Picnic Seat"

"Let It Snow" will be replaced by "Let It Rain, Because It's Too Bloody Hot For This Shit!"

And finally, "Santa Claus Is Coming To Town" will be replaced this year by "Santa Claus Isn't Coming To Town This Year (The Fat Fuck Needs To Have Heart Surgery)"

We hope that our Christmas Program is now a more realistic representation of Christmas, in these times of Global Warming and generally hot, shitty weather in the summer of 2005 here in Queensland.

Regards,

The Bah-Humbug Committee.