Fantastic Pasta "Snack In A Box" Pasta With Bolognese Sauce

Well this isn't quite "noodles", more a "spaghetti" snack.

The spaghetti is in what appears to be a shrink-wrapped bag, and looks lovely and pre-fabricated. The sauce is in a futuristic looking silver pouch. The instructions are pretty simple: empty spaghetti into box, empty sauce sachet on top of it, re-seal the box via the trendy flaps, microwave for 2 minutes, mix thoroughly and enjoy!






The fork this one comes with isn't of the folding variety, it's of the "slide part A into part B" variety.



After emptying the contents of the spaghetti pouch into the box, I find that opening the pouch of sauce isnt exactly easy, and I don't get all of it in, but 95% of it. I set it to the prescribed 2 minutes and then shuffle around doing this and that. When the microwave goes *bing*, I take it out, almost dropping it, as the box is about as hot as the lava on the planet Mustafar.

I gingerly transport it back to my room and leave it to sit and cool slightly for a minute or two. When I open the box, I'm greated with spaghetti covered in a large, semi-dehydrated looking blob of reddish-orange goo.



This is when I discover that the fork mechanism is somewhat different to Fantastic's noodle product. I stir the sauce through the noodles, to find that a significant amount of orange oily sludge is coating the sides of the box. I'm not kidding folks, its BRIGHT ORANGE. So far I'm thinking the taste has to at least be decent in order for someone to even think of eating this snack after witness the orangeness.




I am, however, completely and utterly WRONG. Now I've tasted varying degrees of Spaghetti Bolognese, from completely homemade sauces to the DIY "meat and jar of sauce" versions to some not half bad Dolmio "bung it in the microwave" versions. So I'd like to think I can tell when a meal of said dish is either really good or incredibly BAD. For this product, though, I think I'm just about convinced that there are only a few ways in which this one can be eaten.

1: the consumer has no tastebuds whatsoever.
2: the consumer hasn't eaten for a month and this is the first thing they are offered.
3: the consumer is very, VERY stoned and even dirt would taste like an edible meal to them.

I can't even describe the taste of this one, it's that horrible. I mean there's some kind of tomato flavour, but its like, 5 day unrefrigerated sun-dried tomato that's been sitting on the coils of a radiator for those 5 days. And there's some really weird brown chunks in it that are kind of chewy... and I'm tellin' ya, IT AIN'T MEAT, HONEY!!



I'm guessing by the ingredients on the packet it's some soy-based meat substitute. Regardless, it's fucking revolting. Sorry folks, I don't care how many preservatives or chemicals you put to make something "fresh" to be cooked in a microwave, but PLEASE, at least make sure it tastes like what it's supposed to be! If I buy something branded as "pasta in a bolognese sauce", then that's what I'd like to be tasting. I'd rather not be tasting "pasta that is in some red sauce that leaves an unhealthy orange oil-slime on the side of the box and tastes like something I wouldn't feed my (non-existant) dog if I was in a shitty mood with it.

Verdict: I'm inventing a new scale for this. The GAG-Factor scale. This one rates a 5 on the GAG-Factor scale. It's so gagworthy, I didn't even get half way through it before i dismantled the fork, threw it into the box, took the box outside, downstairs and threw it into the bin. This is a serously fucking GROSS product.